Finding time is the biggest obstacle most say. I DO have the time though–it’s forcing myself into the stoodio, forcing myself to get to work. I stand at the worktable lost (sometimes in ideas, most often underwhelmed) and can’t focus on anything. Is it the mess? Is it my too busy brain? Is it the mess *in* my brain? I have the techniques and tools i need, so it’s not that blocking me, i don’t wish for more materials or “skills”. I don’t listen to anyone else’s criticism about my work, or personal habits, so it’s not that either. (In fact, i have no one to do, who does do that. Lone blogger, lone artist, despite being in several textile oriented groups…..NOT a bad thing.)
Am i losing my passion, my commitment? Rarely do i have OMG moments anymore, for my own current WIPs or for work posted by others elsewhere. I love pretty much everything i have done, just not what i am doing….
More often these days, i feel i am pissing into the wind, as they say. Other times i felt like this, it was PAINFUL. This instance however, i bore myself–what the hell is going on? I acknowledge that after every big project is completed, that i am lost, anxious, sad even, but this? Is there a point to going on? Is there a going on?????? I don’t mean any of this as a pity party either: it could be a stoppage has occurred for a reason, a reason that will have me chortling when i figure it out. I have goals, deadlines, intent, but no purpose.
I’M NOT WHINING. I’m not even ranting as i used to do. I am truly puzzled. It’s like climbing a ladder and suddenly there are four steps missing before i can reach the 5th one up. My legs aren’t that long, and i ain’t that agile anymore.