(Thank you, i am well aware of the difference between “vein” and “vain”.)
Digging through myself, unearthing the quarry (ha, two meanings there as well), finding the truth in the bones, mining the veins (in vain? one hopes not), exploring, re-finding again: what’s in my bloodstream, thought stream? Mixed metaphors and analogies, as complicated and as simple as i can be.
I started doing this ahead of the Creative Strength Training class (Jane Dunnewold Studios) without knowing what i was looking for. I’m looking though because i need to–the knowledge of the class and signing up for it came after my search started, so i might be ahead of the game. Or predictably for Self, i am assuming, second guessing, wandering off in the wrong direction, jumping on my horse and riding off in all directions. Today is day one of the first class. I’m not going to be sharing a lot of what i am doing, because i respect the teacher’s intellectual property and copyrights, etc, but some stuff i can, if i want to.
First lesson learned indirectly: RESISTANCE IS FUTILE. I admit my feet were dragging and i could feel my heels digging DEEP into the stoodio floor, as i sat at my worktable and Began. So i follow along and do what i’m suggested to do to pull things out–what’s so hard about that? It WAS hard, that start. Then it got easier–and led off to other thoughts, questions, possibilities because i let them happen. Stream of consciousness, opening up, blurring my own borders. You know that “wise” saying “Never assume, because it makes an ass out of you and me“? True, so true. The prompt given was something i never would have thought of on my own, would never have stuck to to dig deeper, would have felt put upon, phony for my purposes and pointless in MY grand scheme of things. Stubborn. Stubborn can mean holding your own ground, but it can also make you rather lonely. For it’s own sake and boundaries, it’s a one sided relationship. Courage of conviction is one thing, unrelenting stubborn is entirely a different animal, a growly, snarly, blindered, solitary herd of one.
But that prompt funnily enough did work–oh yeah, it took 2 and a half hours to get where i thought there was some truth and possibility, but that was the point too. There are no easy answers, but oh, the search and the journey will surprise. There was a LOT of writing, a LOT written that was more question than answer or revelation, some paint and colouring, and several cups of coffee.