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attention span of a gnat

11 Jul

I’m very unsettled right now. Can’t make up my mind what i want to do, where to start, wondering about burgeoning piles of “supplies” that excited me in the making, but not in the using of.

Had a deep deep look at old work, going back to the original photo files and remembering the intent, the feeling–

Ah yes, the feeling. That passion, excitement, joy, playfulness combined with serious effort has been missing. I’ve stuck myself in a rut, have been following along on my own status quo, staying inside a box (of my own devising admittedly) for the most part. I haven’t felt compelled or obsessed really since the making of A Birth of Silence, even the Leighton work kind of leaving me cold–competent, and interesting work, but not for my soul really.

I haven’t truly been spending much time in the stoodio. Oh, the stitch corner on the couch gets used, but too often lately, the work each evening has been tossed on a pile, an ever enlargening pile, one that frustrates and maddens me because the work isn’t coming out of my heart, just out from my fingers, fingers that need to Do, but aren’t really getting anything Done……..I’ve even subconsciously blocked the path TO the studio–there are boxes, bags, tool chests and suitcases literally in the way, necessitating a small delicate two step to get through–now what does THAT say about the import of being in there?????

So i’m going to go back to screwing around with whatever, with everything, flitting here, flapping there, nothing serious, nothing profound. Perhaps some “self directed workshops” again will open the sluices, summer tasking a million things because they *all* need doing: distraction and deflection.

Like my garden, i don’t know whether to fold up

amaranthus fold up

or fold down

bean fold downgo to seed

delphs july 11

buzz around

bee and delphs

or just hang in there….

apple start

 

I may not make the end of summer residency exhibit because of this, but that may be a cost i have to absorb. Then again, maybe lightning will strike and new vision will appear.

I’m tired myself of the analyzing and overthinking. Screw it and the horse it rode in on.

hairflower

 

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10 responses to “attention span of a gnat

  1. Liz Lystra

    July 11, 2016 at 1:54 pm

    I am so there with you. I think most artists that work in multiple media go through this now and then but I seem to be stuck there. You’ve expressed my feelings perfectly.

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  2. Judy Martin

    July 11, 2016 at 1:59 pm

    I think that this feeling you have of not having a direction happens to all of us now and then. My new theory is that sometimes there are just too many things to do and that one thing at a time is the way to go. I find it very hard to just do one project at a time, (and so am doing two (well three actually) but way less than what I used to do. Part of it is because of my physical challenges this month, but I am looking at what has happened to slow me down and narrow my focus as a new way of working. I have not used my kitchen timer for example for two months. I just do one thing at a time until I am too tired…then I lie down.

    Sometimes we just have too many ideas, and that gets in our way. xo

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  3. Mo Crow

    July 11, 2016 at 2:35 pm

    my favourite article about letting go into the unknown is by the Australian artist Michael Leunig
    here’s the link
    http://www.smh.com.au/entertainment/into-the-unknown-20100319-qkca.html#ixzz1iVrpdHdi

    Like

     
    • margarethd

      July 11, 2016 at 6:31 pm

      Great article Mo ……i do love Leunig

      Like

       
    • arlee

      July 14, 2016 at 9:13 am

      well, poo, as i am back from holiday, this link is gone…………………

      Like

       
      • Mo Crow

        July 14, 2016 at 12:40 pm

        it still works here… I wonder why it won’t work there? I’ll e-mail you the article

        Like

         
    • arlee

      July 17, 2016 at 10:22 am

      Thank you Mo. Timely and pertinent–and how did we along the way need “permission” to play? Didn’t we all start that as the way to knowing what we did/do? Bedamned to the paths of permission and compromise, let’s just get on with it.

      Like

       
  4. margarethd

    July 11, 2016 at 6:26 pm

    You are not alone….it is part of the journey however the muse will be back, sometimes in unexpected places or moments

    Like

     
  5. Deb

    July 12, 2016 at 12:43 am

    I know exactly what you are saying. Recently I seem to accomplish the most, and narrow down my ideas on long car journeys, probably because there is not much else to do. I also find working in the middle of the night works for me…but I pay for it the next day. I swear I get nothing done during the day and in nice weather.

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  6. arlee

    July 14, 2016 at 9:15 am

    Thank you all, it’s a matter of finding the passion for that one, or two, or three 🙂 pieces, certainly not a shortage of ideas…….and then there’s that pesky translating from what’s in the head to what comes out of the fingers–maybe my skill set needs some directing again….

    Like

     

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