There comes a time for me with every piece that is a drag point. I’ve been “in the zone” with the whole, but suddenly the whole has more parts than i realized, and there’s only so zoney you can get, to get it done! This is such a large piece, and it has many parts, not only in design and execution, but in meaning, so i’m looking at the pauses and stutters as part of the thinking process. I’ve done a lot of reading and research, something that had fallen by the wayside for awhile. I missed that, and am glad to be taking that time again.
The meanings of memory, of remembered, and true, time, the flashes of forgotten experience, the daily recognition and reflection, what would you do if you had no cognizance of most or any of this? Mental illness, dementia, repression, amnesia, delusion/illusion, cognitive conformity (oh that one really frosts my cookies), moral licensing, (the previous two can be/are linked), and most strangely of all, lifelong severely deficient autobiographical memory (SDAM) , and highly superior autobiographical memory (HSAM). What if you could remember *everything*??????????
I remember things from when i was 3, vivid memories of sneaking into the bathroom and taking one of my father’s razor blades (the real ones in those days), sitting on the top step of the stairs and slicing my thumb open, and knowing i was going to be in trouble for it. From the same time, i remember re-assuring my younger brothers (they were 2 and 1) that the loud noise at night was just a train going by. I don’t remember anything from ages 9 and 10. I remember too much from some really bad personal years, but, as in the old joke, not what i had for dinner last night. Some of my memories are distorted, integrated with someone else’s, stolen, i know that from talking with family or friends, who remember differently. Absence of memory, strong memory are protective mechanisms, talismans, guides (yes, do it, no, don’t), for me.
And now i remember i have limited time.
I’m close to done most of the hexes on the left panel of this work (more than these photos show), and wanting to “balance” the right side, will be adding more hexes, but with a different feeling, and configuration. (These photos are also “sideways” because the section is so long, easier to view this way, the bottom actually on the right!)
Next step will be to choose the threads for this side. The main one may still be a bamboo colourway “Stormy Weather”, of which i will have JUST enough (it’s ir-replaceable, as a gift and from a private dyer), OR this one below, and some warmer toned threads than the blues/greens i’ve been using on the left side. That red silk for “under” the hexes has been with me for at least 20 years!
I’ve used the hexagon shape over the past years in many ways, usually symbolizing nature and connectivity, and now have added the element that the hexes represent memories—connecting and referring to each other but separating, compartmentalizing, fragmenting as we get older–as we age the connections become disparate, as time and self dissociate.
And i still don’t have even a “working title” for this.