radioactive

In several respects…….

                                                                                                                                    source

I have to have a Thalium test for heart issues. An IV is hooked up and a radioactive isotope is shot into your veins (COLD!!!), and then a Gamma camma camera is used to take pictures of your heart as you exercise, showing where the isotope goes (and *doesn’t* go if there is damage to the heart). The worst part of it all is going to be NO coffee the day before and the day of, and the 6 hours the test takes! In fact, for the last almost 3 months, i have been poked, prodded, had things glued on me, pressed on me, wrapped around me, and still more to come in the next 2 months. (I had another suspected angina attack in December, the 6th in 10 years or so.) As with MOST of us, i took my health for granted for so many years, and now i’m paying a price. (Seriously, get thee hied to a doctor, Darlings: you just never know what’s really going on inside that bag of bones and blood you wear every day.) My mind knows i  won’t be glowing, but it also wonders about other effects after! Or maybe i’ll have Secret Super Powers just waiting to be revealed in times of whatever sets off Super Powers. Dinner choices? Cat puke in the middle of the kitchen floor? Violet or cherry for the hair? Puddle jumping because the boots leak? Is that cottage cheese or snot on my shirt?  The Gawdz know i don’t have an exciting life.

Above, stuffed heart from “the Artist’s Body” series, 2007.

I’m also “radio active” as in i am maybe going to my old self and my more (from-the-past) intuitive stitching results/projects. In one way that’s been unproductive, as i have still had no serious inclinations to make big work, and in another it’s been great for  pieces that are “ideas” in solid form. These might be added to the “component box” and maybe someday they will Become/Be the big work. They could be looked upon as samples and tests, but since i like combining seemingly disparate elements in my work, they could might fit together somehow for a story someday.

Above, “Distancing Herself” 2007.

It’s EXTREMELY hard to get away from “muscle memory” and do/try new things. Most of the little bits i’ve attempted are worked on for a couple of hours, until i realize i’m doing the same thing over and over again, sigh………   As evidenced by the photos above, i’m going way back into my files to see what i can stir up.

Things are taking form during my “self directed workshops”, something i haven’t done in a while, things that may not become Actual Things. Just doing, filling in space and time because my hands can’t stay idle. It keeps my brain busy as well, instead of second guessing or worrying about my future. If it were summer, i’d be out getting dirty in the garden as a break, but not so much in this weather.

I don’t really have work in progress: *i* am the work in progress…..

5 responses to “radioactive

  1. Oh Sweetie! 😦 I do empathize…and understand heart disease. What I’m not understanding is the thallium test vs an angiogram…or was that one of your other ‘pokes’?

    I come from a long line of people with heart disease and high blood pressure. That’s one reason I’ve watched my weight like a hawk, never smoked, and took up jogging/running for many years. I’ve been on meds for BP for almost 2 years now, and watching cholesterol. A bit of an argument from my lower back lately has me briskly walking rather than jogging, but I’m determined to keep as fit as I can be. (My doctor, so reassuring, affirmed that I can’t fight my genes, and that “even thin people can have high BP”. Sigh).

    So I am WITH you…in thought, spirit and prayer. Hugs!!

    P.S. and do keep with the work. It is a restorative in the midst of chaos!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Because, believe it or not, an angiogram is *more* “invasive”–thalium has no special actions required the next day-and i work, so they are being more accommodating by not having me HAVE to take the next day off

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  2. I’m so sorry to hear that life is a little tough right now, Arlee … hoping with all my heart that you are feeling much better very soon. Never give up on your stitching even if it’s just colouring between the lines 😉

    Liked by 1 person

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